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Autumn's Twilight

Collections of the leaves of life

Love Letters To the Dammed

Why can’t you just do as your told?
Be there waiting for me,
loving me constantly?
Why can’t you see
how much that means to me?
I need for you to be there
pouring out your love
any time I need it.
Don’t you dare break your promise
of loving me forever.
You can’t begin to understand my life.
The pressure I am under, so many
counting on me and it’s all mine to control.
You promised to be easy,
to be everything I needed,
when I needed it, how I needed it.
You promised to make me the God of your universe.
Don’t you dare take back your promise.
You can run but you’ll be back.
Again on your knees singing
my praises.
You know I am right.
You know I am your God.
You know I have control.
You know I have you.
You are mine.
I gave you purpose, duty. And this
is the way you repay me?
Bitch, you can’t be happy for anything.
Staying in the misery of your life,
crawling on your knees when I am
the happiness you seek.
Bitch, you can’t do nothing right.
That’s why I walk away
until you behave.
It’s simple. Do as your told.
Love me. Praise me.
Stay on your string
silently.

originally posted on G+ 27/6/2017

The answer why

The answer why

The day you choose a child as your bride
I lost faith in all you were and I as well.
Again I fell into the grips of my horror
as you joined the pitiful ranks of men like my father

Never knew she existed until that fateful day
you pointed and pointed and so I searched.
Your insecurities ripped open a world I knew not.

Unfaithful, deceitful, painful
should have driven me away
oh no oh no oh no
what of my word and bond?
Should have just kept on walking that day.

Oh I know this dance like the back of my hand.
Not the only man to play this plan
stashed toys on a shelf all yours
And I, what of I?
Not a bride to be, never a we

The day you choose a child as your bride
I lost faith in me
and it follows I lost faith in you.
Don’t give me yarn about how it’s okay
we both know she’s a kid

All I can do is shake my head
and wonder what the hell
is wrong with me!

I pick these troubled men
identical to my father.
Oh yes, I know I have soul wounds.
Deeper than I knew.

The answer why
good memories is not enough
because I do stand for something
even if I lose what I love.

My trust, breached.

originally posted on G+ 26/6/2017

Don’t worry lil one
I have nothing
as you well know
those strings were cut
so long ago

Just a ghostly whisper
floating in the breeze
He not turns his head
nor feels my entreaties

Don’t worry lil one
She just sings laments
and of dreams of nevermore

Just a ghostly whisper
of what could have been,
a thin warning of the price paid
to play at life my own way

Evermore she can sing mournfully
‘I did it my way’ after all.

originally posted on G+  26/6/2017

Heart and Mind

I hold her hands down
as she – grasping me.
reaching out to you.
In the night, I muffle her
and erase her thoughts
bit by bit,
I hold her down.

Intent to tearing apart
yet again, the yearning of her soul
I take her hands
and hold them down
scolding her.

I hear her cries
as I walk away
unwritten letters
drift up and away
burning deep in my soul.

I wish I had the wisdom
to use my strength for good,
all I hear is
that love is forevermore
and not forgotten.
And I shake my head at such foolishness
and tick off all the reasons for this –
this emptiness.

I hold her hands
crushing them,
as she reaches out time and again.
She doesn’t want to leave
and it’s all I wish to do.
And so I walk out the door,
yet again.

One day, maybe I muse
yet the whispers call out
‘forevermore.’

Passions Loss

She whispered her question in the dark
and echoing back an answer she must accept.
She must walk this part apart
fraught with peril, nonpareil
alone, a lone soul traveling,
travailing against cosmic winds.
Looking back seams to cross
against fates decree forcing
salt pans to form.

Lies

On sand we build a house of cards
and the dealer came to collect the pay
and I stand alone in the sand.

I gambled and I played.
I rolled the dice and prayed.
Hidden, desperately forgotten
three lies, oh three.

It was a house of cards
I built on sand
shifting quick,
oh what a risk!

Cracked the foundations
those three did.
Left me standing on sand
as cards rained down around me.

I rolled the dice and gambled.
Oh, now I pay.

Twilight shines as I wrap my arms close,
holding in the night as it deepens inside
Night is so close now,
ready to burst and sparkle full of wonderment
in dusky greys an’ hints of blues an’ tiny wisps of rose.

Night is a warm cloak hiding my soul,
seek and you’ll never find it.
Wait and it will wrap you when you least expect it.

Night falls is where I dream,
dreaming of my loves. Are you there among them?
Worry not, your love is out there, somewhere.

We’ll pray Night passes quickly and leave us warm hearted.
Sweet dreams my loves, sweet sleep.

 

Originally posted to G+ on Mar 16, 2017

Few are the times my gaze rests upon the Moon
too busy chasing the day to bother with Nightfalls

Yet, a reflection caught me and I stared, entranced
watching the milky paleness wavering on the surface

puddle gazing, moon watching, lost in night’s thoughts,
finding a mirror unexpectedly

One step shatters and I am wet
night cloaks follies and mistakes well

Shakes my head at my folly.
she’s running out of words and soon she’ll be silent

Silent as the Night
Silent as the Moon.

Into the dark
again.

Forgive me loves, for I have no sweet thoughts to offer tonight.
Melocolly wraps its icy fingers around me, sapping my warmth.
If I could give in to tears, I’d be better for it. But in this, I may not
surprisingly. No more tears will I shed even if it rains inside.

 

Originally posted to G+ on Mar 10, 2017

It’s been an extraordinary journey so far. Journeying into the heart of the Universe and back again, a tale told through time in all the hearts of mankind. So when each day closes, the sighs behind lock doors tell of love everlasting and joy in abundance. Shed not the tears of sorrow for yourself. Shed the tears of love. For this world has such terrifying beauty that we ravage it, bring it scars, tear it down a bit so we shield our souls from embracing such a love. Life itself scares the hell out of us. For in the same instance we sense our infinity and mortality. We are all here for the Journey my friends. Do we add more love to this world while we walk in it or not?

 

Originally posted to G+ on Apr 17, 2017 

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